Accepting the Role of Caregiver
How much are you willing to give and do in order to take care of someone you love? How much will you sacrifice for a sick family member — someone who is fully disabled?
The words spill off our tongues so easily. ‘I’ll take care of you no matter what. I’ll never force you to live in a nursing home.’ We say these things, and we mean them at the time. But have we really thought long and hard about what’s involved in caring for a sick family member?
When I say sick, I don’t mean a cold or the flu or an injury. I mean disabled and getting worse with no potential for improvement or recovery.
It starts out pretty easy. An elderly person needs to be checked on more often, maybe driven to appointments and the grocery store. These are minor inconveniences. And we know that caring for others is part of our work in Christ. We do these things willingly.
Eventually a person needs more help more often. They need meals prepared for them and the house cleaning done. Still easy enough to help. We carve out time or we find a service company.
But how much will you do when it gets worse? Aging is progressive, as are many other chronic diseases. How comfortable are you helping a parent or sibling go to the bathroom? What about showering? Do you realize the awkwardness of bathing a grown sibling of the opposite sex? What about a parent?
What if the person you are caring for is bed-bound and unable to do anything for him or her self? This is where my life is now.
My brother’s last seizure caused a traumatic brain injury. He cannot stand or walk or sit up on his own. His muscles are so stiff that his hands are useless. He can no longer feed himself or hold a cup to drink independently.
I bathe him. I change him. I cut his hair and his nails. I clean his ears. I hold the tissue when he blows his nose. I hold the cup and put the straw in his mouth when he is thirsty. I feed him.
Have you truly thought about every little detail of personal care and hygiene that comprises your day-to-day life? Now imagine doing all of those things for another person every day, every week.
This is the reality of being a caregiver.
I have enormous respect for people who choose this profession. You work in homes and facilities tending to all these little details of life for people you barely know. This is the essence of a service attitude if done with love and respect.
I never expected to play this role in my own life, and the adjustment has not been easy. But I am learning.
My dad and I split the responsibility of caring for my brother. But my dad is in poor health. I fear he won’t be able to manage for much longer. It’s physically and emotionally exhausting.
I know my own limitations, and I am wrestling with the fact that I will have to break the promise Dad made to my brother. I will need help, and that help will come in the form of an assisted living facility. It hurts me to face that truth because I know my brother is scared of that situation. But face it I must and do the best I can.
I trust that God will give me strength and courage when the time comes to move my brother out of his home. I also trust that He will help my brother understand. Faith is a powerful comforter in difficult situations. I am so thankful for my faith, for the Holy Spirit enabling me each and every day that I feel overwhelmed and tired and frustrated and heartbroken for my brother.
Are you a caregiver? I welcome any words of encouragement you have to share. I began writing this to sort out my emotions, and hopefully to find something positive to focus on. I want to be an encourager to others, but it turns out that I am the one needing hope.
